Day 4: Tuesday, April 14th 2020

My brain today in one word: focused (finally!)

Today I am: Hey! I said I was focused so of course I’m still sitting at my dining table

Current CNN news headline:Trump halts World Health Organization funding over handling of coronavirus outbreak

My day started with great insight from a very unlikely place. I was well into my daily routine of morning coffee with a side of Today Show* which is typically just background noise but today something caught my ear. Drew Barrymore was on and she offered up insight that literally stopped me mid-sip and had me pop open my laptop so I could jot down the precious words she said so I didn’t forget them (…my memory is total crap these days). She was ‘fighting for optimism’ (meaning she was working hard to find it in any way she could) and offered the quote ‘insecurities are loud and confidence is silent’. Drew went on to talk about how she started a blog to work through her ‘loud insecurities’ right now and fight towards her ‘silent confidence’ and I thought her words articulated exactly what I am feeling. I am definitely over here with my battle gloves (in my mind they are the vintage red boxing ones) fighting for my optimism everyday and I am not willing to take them off, not even for a moment. My optimism is the only thing I can fight for right now.

My husband says I should have written this book before I started illustrating it but to me the story begins to tell me what it wants to be while I’m illustrating it. I can tell you how the story begins and ends but the stress of knowing what every page will be or say is just too much to handle right now on top of the recommended only once-per-day dose of bad news (I take mine in a quick pill form with my morning coffee *see Today Show above). Today I have been permanently fixed to my dining chair intermittently interrupted with moments of realizing I was sitting on my foot and then wondering ‘when did I involuntarily decide to sit on my foot?’. A focused Chelsea often follows with a slow build-up of shoulder and back pain that must be similar to how mothers forget the pain that comes with child birth - if we know the pain is coming, why do we keep doing it to ourselves?! (not to compare my pain to childbirth - I can’t even imagine!)

The view for me today has been nothing but this 20” x 18” piece of watercolor paper. This next illustration for ‘Can We Go Outside?’ reminds me of not-so-distant memories of walking through the groves during orange blossom season with a clear mind and just the normal daily stresses of life running in and out of focus in the back of my head rather than their now permanent and high-def residence of my brain’s frontal lobe. Well, back to outlining this whopper of an illustration!

Day 3: Monday, April 13th 2020

My brain in one word: hopeful

Today I am: sitting at my dining table/makeshift studio

Current CNN news headline: An ER doctor loses custody of daughter because of coronavirus fears

The reason I chose the word ‘hopeful’ for today is because I feel like that little engine that could and am finally rounding the corner of productivity. Yesterday my household was in what we now call ‘the COVID funk’ and we all were eager to fall asleep last night in hopes that a good night’s rest would function as an 8 hour reset button. I am happy to say it did…well, at least for me.

As I pulled my chair forward to begin work on the terrifying crisp white 8”x10” watercolor paper I knew the time had come. It was time for me to face my insecurities and fears of totally sucking at illustrating and writing a children’s book. My scribble paper was alert and on the ready to absorb any edits or thoughts that came to mind as I began the illustration of page one for ‘Can We Go Outside?’ - the title I have chosen for this book. The first pencil mark is always the hardest but once the lead hit the paper the fears and insecurities dissipated - as I figured they would. One illustration finished, then the second and I am eager to start my third this evening. With that being said, my view today was mostly of these two now not-so-empty- pieces of paper.

Day 2: Friday, April 10th 2020

My brain today: mostly cloudy with a chance of sun

Today I am: still sitting under my pergola in the backyard

Current CNN news headline: The 115-year-old Supreme Court opinion that could determine rights during a pandemic

As of late I have been spending a lot more time outside enjoying my freshly manicured backyard which I must say is a very welcomed change to my life. I used to spend a lot of time back here enjoying the view but I can say with utmost certainty that I have sat in this previously white and now faded, wooden (and I’m not 100% sure fully stable) adirondack chair once over the past year.

This time of quarantine and social distancing can definitely be lonely, trying and at times depressing but it has also brought with it moments of pure joy that have filled my home with genuine and affectionate laughter once again. I have become a believer that this pandemic has to have a bigger purpose for us all. As a culture (mostly North American culture) we have grown to believe that in order to be perceived as successful we must always be seen as ‘busy’ - whether it be busy working or busy socializing - we have been SO busy being SO busy. The outcome I hope for us all (…and trust me I am the first one to admit I was so busy being so busy) is that we can refocus priorities and 100% realize the chaotic world we’ve created will not implode if we aren’t working 26/8 (and no, that is not a typo).

As I step down from my makeshift rickety soap box I will step back into my slightly overcast reality. As I sit here amongst my favorite plants on this windy, cloudy Florida day I can’t help but focus on the lanky, liver spotted fur ball laying on the hot concrete pavers in front of me. Over the past two weeks the weird bond I share with my rescued mutt has grown so strong once again. Luke’s (or Lucas, Jelly Bean, Booka, and whatever else I affectionately call him) personality has always been larger than his fifty pound, mostly legs, but all attitude body. When I met Luke four years ago his quirky personality sparked the idea of a children’s book series - much like my favorite oversized red dog from childhood. Well, last night I poured myself a glass of silky cabernet and came out to my favorite faded adirondack chair with a sketchbook and pen and before I could even take a sip of wine I had the basic outline of Luke’s first book. WelI… here's hoping this means I have begun to lay the mortar to rebuild that wall I was talking about yesterday…